how Mattie felt better.

I felt better I went to school and went home whith out throwing up! JJ Hintin did not no I went to school and jj hintin told me to ask my mom to buy me these cute shose. They wer relly boots and they wer relly super cute boots and they wer cool!

Mattie and her Boy friends.

I love Garrett he is cute I Love him so much that I will tell him that I love him so much and I will ask him to Marry me you shold see him he looks so hot wen he runs and wen he swets I wold ask him out wen I grow up and I will maby ask if he liks me. Save me a kiss.

Mattie is Taking Over!

Hi This is mattie I Get to Take over the Blog for four more days im going to send some pictures on the blog and im staying home cause I have the flu.

Blog Therapy

When we were waiting for Zane, I would post on my blog at least once a week. It was my therapy (and shopping helped). Well, I need a little therapy again - and shopping won't help. So I will blog.

Meet Zeke Ryker. Born on 9/29/09 at 3:06 p.m. He weighed 7 lbs 4 oz, 18 1/2 inches long. I guessed the exact weight. My Grandma's birthday is July 4th. He's perfect. We loved the name Zeke - it means "Strength of God". That is what I need now. Ryker was chosen by his mom. I looked it up to see what it means - "Strong Power." It is also from Star Trek!

Our journey for Zeke began 5 months ago. It was one of those dream phone calls of do you want to adopt again? Our first date with R. went great. It is just like dating. We met for dinner, she wanted a nightcap! You hope for that second phone call. We got it. She asked if I wanted to go to the doctor appointments. For someone who has never heard a baby's heartbeat or felt a kick, that was a dream opportunity. We didn't want to know the sex of the baby. We have always chosen a boy or a girl to adopt. It was nice to not say what we wanted. About 2 1/2 months ago, she really wanted me to know the sex so that I could bond. We found out it was a boy and the retail therapy began.


In the back of mind I always worried that it would not go through; but every time I was with R. she would tell me not to worry and enjoy the journey. She was 100% sure that this was the right thing and no way she could raise this baby.

The day of delivery, a week ago today. I still can not believe it all. She asked me to be in the room with her. It was very surreal. For those of you who know me, you would think that there would be no way to handle a c-section delivery. But I did it (didn't even need drugs). It was amazing. I heard his first cry and saw him take his first breath. It was so overwhelming. It was a difficult delivery and recovery for R. She was so sick. She was scheduled to be released on Saturday. We were to meet at 10:00. When my phone rang at 7:00 that morning, I knew. Never would have believed it when I fell asleep at 10:30 Friday night. Phone calls early in the morning are never a good sign. It was that same drop in the stomach I had when my dad died. When I heard the phone early that morning I knew.

So we are trying to move on. Looked up the grieving process for this:

Take time to grieve. While there is no societal ritual for marking the loss of a failed adoption, it is nonetheless real. You may need to experience the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And postpone making any major life decisions for a while. Went to bed at 4:00 yesterday. Troy cut down a ton of trees.

Accept help. An adoption that falls through is emotionally shattering; you may need the comfort of others. If friends or family invite you out for dinner, say yes. It will feel good to vent about what you have been through, or to talk about something else entirely. Went to Pasta Factory yesterday with friends. Jen ate a bowl of broccoli. We talked about how Angie can't walk because of the Marathon. Nutty girl! My mom is coming down this weekend. That will help. My laundry room will get clean again.

Talk to a pro. A mental-health professional or your attorney who specializes in grief, loss, adoption, and/or infertility can be a good sounding board and can guide you to a better frame of mind. I asked my attorney if I could swear and it wouldn't count against me... he said he could!

Don’t try to figure it out. No one can know what is going on inside someone else’s mind, so there isn't much point in trying to analyze why an adoption fell through. It can happen for many reasons. Struggling with this one. I always want to know the reason. Went to the temple yesterday. Got no answers.

Deal with the baby’s room in your own way. While some can’t bring themselves to look at a baby’s room after a failed adoption, others find comfort sitting in the room to remember and grieve. Some will quickly box up the baby clothes, while others are content to shut the door to the room for days or weeks. I already boxed up Zeke's clothes and put the ultrasound and picture of R. away. I even boxed up my Reese Li baby bag. I have always wanted a designer baby bag and went for it. It was the cutest bag ever. I still need to put away the bassinet and changing table.

Get out of the house. Going to see a funny movie helps (avoid anything too heavy). Long walks, a concert, or revisiting a hobby can also be therapeutic. I have Meet the Masters at school today. That will take my mind off this. 700 students trying to do art. Then again that might be the heavy thing I am suppose to avoid!

Express your feelings. Consider writing how you feel in a journal, or in a letter you might—or might not—send to the birthparents. You may also want to have a quiet ritual to mark the loss, such as lighting a candle or saying a prayer with your spouse. And that leads us to this blog entry.

In case you are wondering. The kids are doing fine. Zane's phrase he has said this week to Troy is "Mom is freaking out". Mattie is just worried about the food. Jaedon is my sweet boy that just checks on me. We bought a new TV for my bedroom. Thought I would feel better if I could watch Amazing Race in high definition. It worked, I felt like I was almost there. Digging through mud and ripping apart old VCR's. I guess I am doing retail therapy too! We will be fine! I'll be making inappropriate jokes in no time.

Back to School Again!

Jaedon's in 4th Grade and Mattie is in 2nd Grade.

Both are very excited about their classes this year.

Not as excited as Miss Kristin; her youngest is in 1st Grade this year.

This is what freedom looks like!

Zane is Three!

He is very excited to be three! He's been talking about his birthday party for the past six months. All he wanted for his party was to ride a pink horsy! Well, we could do 1/2 of it.

Zane first celebrated his birthday with his friends, then we went to ride the horses a few days later. Here is the funny story. Mattie and Zane were so excited to ride the horses. Jaedon didn't really care about riding at all. Neither Zane or Mattie would go near the horses to ride. Jaedon manned up and jumped on. Then Zane and Mattie were screaming to be next.

Mattie found it exhilarating that she was suppose to kick the horse to get it to move. She tries that at home with her brothers with different results.

So now we are potty training Zane. To get him to go on the toilet, we bribe him with visits to see the horse. It totally worked to get him to go for the first time. We ran right out to see the horses. Scott and Becky (they own the horses, and who I work for) went up to Pine Valley to get the rest of their horses. If Zane can go number two...he'll be in for a real treat.

Summer of '09

I keep telling the kids that we really did have a summer. They don't believe me unless it is blogged!

The summer did start out with me taking off for a girl's bonding weekend with Mom and my sisters in San Francisco.

The weekend ended early for me since I was stressed about the next event coming up for me...girl's camp.

I did survive it. In case you are wondering about the fashionable shoes. We put garbage sacks around our feet to keep them dry. We had torrential rainstorms and woke up to our water bottles having ice chips in them.

The fourth of July was celebrated up in American Fork. The boys went golfing. Jaedon claims that he beat Dad and Papa.

We ended our summer of '09 with a camping trip to Palisades State Park. The kids love the water, Troy loves the golf.

We did have a few visitors over the summer....

(of course they were all on their way somewhere else ~ but we like to think we are destination worthy)

Aunt Annie and Aunt Jer came

And Grandma & Papa, Aunt Keri and cousin Deacon came. So we put the summer of '09 to rest. And we are gearing up for a busy fall!

Summer Swing

I've got the sweet swing of summer. It's called golf! I took third at Red Hills and second at Southgate. jaedon

Me & Mrs. Ence - First Grade is Over

I had Mrs. Ence four 1st grade. My favorite thing about school was wen we had the Halloween

Party. Four summer I want to swim & play.

Foot Joy!

I guess Mattie's golf instructor didn't like her wearing her crocs on the golf course. He gave her this sweet pair! Whatever Mattie's doing...keep on doing it. That is a true talent to get shoes from a guy!

Happy Memorial Day

One of my favorite holidays.

Have a happy day!

Demands - Love is not enough

Mattie knows that you have to tell the boys exactly what you want.

Dillan is the neighbor boy up the street that is going into Kindergarten next year.

I've Had it up to Here!

Do you often say that to your kids?

Next time I'm going to do it in this fashion...

(I think it will get my point across)

We headed to Vegas with our concert lover friends - Travis & Louise for

While there, we saw...


Paramore - they were totally awesome.






and

And his lovely wife (in case Roy was wondering)

and of course, No Doubt!



Totally worth getting home at 3:30 in the morning. Incidentally, I have had it up to here (which is my waist) with Zane. He likes to try get in my flour, sugar, baking soda...mix them up on the tile floor, and bake his concoction up in the drawer. He is quick, usually only takes about 2 minutes to mix it all up.

The happenings around here

The spring is always busy. The kids had an art show at their school. Zane figured out that the more eggs he gathered on Easter, the more chocolate he could eat. He wanted nothing to do with the eggs filled with jelly beans. Kid after my own heart. Jae's baseball season started again. Zane and mom got a new mode of transportation. Zane loves it, I like it on the downhills! Only two more weeks until school is out, and we are all excited. I know that in four weeks I'll be begging it to start again.

Happy Mother's Day

I love Mother's Day. Mattie feel's differently. She would like the name officially changed to Mother's and Daughter's Day. Since I'm a mother because of her, she thinks we should celebrate her. I have many special "Mothers" in my life; my own, Troy's mom, and three wonderful women who made me a mother. I've never met them, but I will always honor and cherish them. I hope some day that we will meet them.

Here is the cheesy matchy picture, & Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Happy Birthday M&M!

It's her birthday! Seven years old today. All she wanted for her birthday was a bra! We bought her a bike too!

Seven years ago today we were in St. George vacationing. We had been on the wait list for 7 months for a girl. We were looking at houses envisioning what it would be like to live in St. George and have a girl in our family. We actually saw the house we live in now...and thought it would be fun to live here some day (little did we know then that 3 months later we would actually live here). We had no idea that our lives were changing because of a little girl being born 6000 miles away. We wouldn't find out about Mattie for 8 more months.

The description of Mattie that they gave us: She falls asleep about 1 am and sleeps until about 8 am (nothing has changed there). She has a good digestion (nothing has changed there either). She is cute with small eyes, good natured, and active. She easily warms up to a stranger. We hope that she has a happy and healthy life.

We hope that she has a happy and healthy life too!

Spring Break

Don't tease girls...or a two year old

They will get you!

Spring Break was fun. We hung out in the neighborhood most of the week...but went to Vegas on Friday to hang out with the cousins. Mattie's favorite part of Spring Break was swimming with all of Washington County at the Rec Center. Jaedon's favorite was hanging with his cousin Trevor. My favorite part of Spring Break will be Tuesday morning...school's back in session.

For Aunt Jer: we bought the movie Twilight. It has a whole new meaning when you watch with your 6 year old daughter. The whole movie she is yelling at the screen "Don't kiss him - he will suck you!"

To Devyn

dear devyn I like to play with you som tim do you want to come over some time? you are the best cosin love yor cosin Mattie

Do Drop In!

We love when people drop in (no pressure to clean)!

My Aunt Jean and Uncle Shirl popped in for a visit. The kids loved to hear stories of their crazy Grandpa Glenn. And the kids loved to put on a show for them!

Recipe for a Great Weekend

Take 3 good friends (Myself, Lori, and Kristi) and a not so drowsy chaperon (Kristi's mom Carolyn). Toss them into an exciting city (San Francisco). Add lots of spice by attending some Wicked (Wicked and Big Head Todd and the Monsters) entertainment. And you will have one tiring~ but oh so fun ~ weekend.

We started out our weekend with some great shopping and exploring near our hotel. We saw Wicked that night...and it was so good, and so worth the trip. I've listened to the music for so long, I wondered if this cast could measure up. Everything is always better live ~ but it was beyond my expectations. We went to the Farmer's Market the next day, and had a fabulous breakfast. Kristi's friend Tonya met up with us and we headed to China Town and Fisherman's Wharf.

We didn't have anything planned for Saturday Night...so we took Troy's advice and checked out one of his favorite bands; Big Head Todd and the Monsters. They played for 2 1/2 hours at the historic Fillmore; and we came home a little deaf...but it was really fun.

Thanks Girls for a great weekend!

Happy Birthday to Annie!

I can be as mean (or as nice) as I want on this post...she'll never see it!

STYLE.

Annie has always had it. You would find Annie in this outfit almost everyday - but she never took dance. She just liked the way it looked on her.

Still has that same style. She's 31 today - and as beautiful as ever.

Chinese New Year

We had a fun celebration Friday night with families that have adopted from Taiwan, China,

and one from Ethiopia! - and some that are still waiting for their little ones to arrive.

Can you see that Zane has a way with the ladies. That is Mae pushing him away.

It was a great night. The Snow family knows how to throw a party!

To Avery

I like To play with my cousin Avery she is the best i like to stay at her house she is the best ok xx you are the best cousin Avery ,from Mattie I gotto go bie. (Only xx, not xoxo - just the hugs, not the kisses. Because that would be gross!)

Playmate or Enemy?

That was the question this past week. I heard a lot of "that's mine."

In the end, I think they were friends...I think.

We had a fun week with Aunt Keri and Cousin Deacon staying with us

while Derek went to find them some new digs in Bakersfield.

A week filled with shopping, eating, movies and a party -

we almost qualify to having the "Best Week Ever."

Thanks for staying with us Keri and Deacon, and thanks Derek for driving safe!

Shoes!

Shoes was one of Zane's first words that he learned

(SpongeBob was actually the first word that he loved to say).

He has a fascination with shoes.

He loves to wear anybody's shoes.

We bought him a new pair of shoes,

and he refused to take them off when it was time to go to bed.

Here is Guy Smiley and his sidekick Ty Smiley.

Jaedon was in his school's after Christmas program of "This is your Life Santa Clause". Because of the Snow Day in St. George, the students did their performance after the Holidays.

Jae's got the moves!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy 60th Birthday to a guy that brings us Joy.
You might guess that his name is Roy.
If you can't find him, check the golf course.
It is there that he takes the competition down with force.
His style hasn’t changed much…he still has that same shirt.
Here’s to another 60 years…then you will be as old as dirt!

Getcha - Getcha - Getcha ... Gotcha!

One way or another I'm gonna find ya

I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha

One way or another I'm gonna win ya
I'll getcha, I'll getcha

One way or another I'm gonna see ya

I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha

One day, it's been a year today, it's your gotcha day!

Breaking up is hard to do

Unless you are Mattie. Since Mattie doesn't have a phone

and can not text her breakup...

She'll just pass a note at Church.

Don't fear, Mattie keeps her options open

Happy almost New Year

What is really great about living in a retirement community?

Fireworks at 10:00 p.m.

Which is still an hour after mine and Mattie's bedtime.

But Zane, Jaedon, and Troy are always ready to party.

Happy New Year!

Christmas 2008

The Christmas Wish List...

• Jaedon wanted a air soft gun (and raised his right hand and swore to Santa that he would not shoot any reindeer).
• Mattie wanted Rock Band and a surprise.
• Zane asked for (as he jumped off Santa's lap screaming) balloons.

Santa's trip this year was a success.

Our holiday break started with a visit from Nana and Papa Steindorf. They don't like to leave their house during the holidays, so this was a real treat. We had lots of good food, & laughter, & fun gifts. They even left with and extra special flu bug (sorry). We went to our neighbor's for Christmas Eve, and the kids did a nativity program that included flying ninjas. I just love that part of the story!

Last year we were trying to hurry through the holidays to get on our way to Taiwan to pick up Zane...this year, I want the holidays to last forever - that might be a slight exaggeration. I did take all the decorations down already - I did wait until Saturday to start. Last year, time passed so slowly, and this year it just is flying by. It will be a year next week that Zane joined our family. What a difference a year makes.

Happy Holidays!

My favorite thing to torture my kids with is the matching outfits! I bought them on Thanksgiving at the Gymboree midnight sale. In the craziness of it, I messed up on the sizes and bought Mattie and Jae the same size 7. I meant to buy Jae an 8, and Mattie a six. Well, Mattie needed an 8, and Jae's was just fine.

Say Cheese!

My mom has me feeling guilty about not posting an update. We are doing great - all of us. It was just a year ago this week that we found out Zane would finally be coming home. What a difference a year makes. He still loves to sleep (we scored the jackpot on that one); he can climb two stairs at a time; loves to say two and wants two of everything; scared of cotton candy; and is the biggest tease of all time - he totally gives Mattie a run for her money. And if you could not tell from the picture above, he loves to smile for the camera.

Zane loved his first Halloween. He is a sugar freak! He totally didn't need to wear the head piece...his hair naturally looks like that. Jaedon didn't need any makeup for his black eye...he got a black eye playing flag football. Mattie was a bat. They called her batty Mattie at school. It was perfect. Zane loves sugar so much that one day he stole the whole pan of brownies and hid in Mattie's room to eat them. I knew something was up when he was quiet.

Jaedon took 3rd place at the Pinewood Derby with his "Greenskeeper" racer. I'm not sure who had more fun with this...Troy or Jae!

And just back from a great Thanksgiving in Las Vegas at my sister Lisa's house. It was a great day. The kids had a blast. TJ made it to the adult table...but I'm sure he was wishing he was back at the kids table. They were definitely having more fun. With a crew like this...how could it not be a party?

Return to the blogging World

I bet you would think after a 2 month leave of absence, we would have a ton of news to blog about. But not really! My laptop is still under the weather, those darn viruses...and finally at the computer repair shop. So hopefully after a few doses of an antibiotic, it will be up and running. Here is a glimpse of what we have been up to.

The kids are always trying to look stylish. We have created a monster with Jaedon and his highlights. He loves to do the hair flip with his hair. He is definitely a GQ kind of guy. Mattie had cowgirl day. And Zane's favorite toys are still my high heels. Sad, but he walks more graceful in them than I do.

Our sweet neighbor Aimee had a neighborhood Parade and Pancake breakfast for her daughter Peyton who has Tuberous Sclerosis.

We do have more to post - Jaedon and Mattie won reflections & Halloween pictures. But all the pictures are on the laptop. Once we are back in business with my real computer...we will try to stay posted better.

Happy Birthday

My dad would have been 70 years old today! I remember that he loved FM100 (the old station that only played instrumental music), driving fast and crazy (often with his knees or telling his 12 year old daughter to take the wheel for a minute), and artificial Christmas trees (is 12 to many?)! The last time I saw my Uncle Mark before he died he told me that my Dad sure would have loved my kids. I agree! I think that they would have loved my full of life Dad.

Drama!

Mattie signed up for a theater camp at Tuacahn this summer. We had a great bonding experience making the drive out to Tuacahn everyday. Zane fell in love with watching Sponge Bob on the dvd player as we drove. Mattie learned songs from Sound of Music, Les Mis, and High School Musical. Suprising to me is that she loved the song from Les Mis the best. I thought for sure it would be High School Musical.

White there, we met some new friends. On the first day, Mattie met Erin from California. Erin is adopted from Taiwan. Her mom is from Taiwan as well. We had a great time getting to know them. They came over one night for a bbq with the Leavitt family. Jaedon was a little smitten with Erin.

Success

The first day of School went off without a hitch. Usually there are some tears...not from the kids, but from Mom. This year, no Kleenex needed. It was a long and busy summer break, and the kids are Mom were ready for the routine of school. Not to be left out, Zane was ready to head to school as well.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow - We love ya, Tomorrow

The bags are packed, the kids are a sleep - Only a few more hours and the kids are back in school!

Lie about your age.

When you are asked your age, do you cross your fingers? We've taught Zane well!

Whenever you ask Zane his age, he crosses his two fingers and says his version of two. He had a great birthday. We gave him his favorite thing...balloons.

Discovery Channel - Hire Me!

Troy took the kids camping. The morning there were packing up to leave, Mattie said she had found a moose and wanted the camera to take a picture.

I'm pretty sure that it is not a moose. That is Mattie for you, always trying to get closer. She doesn't know how to operate the zoom on the camera, so she was right up next to it.